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  • Retta Bodhaine

Relationship Punnett Square

I have problems with conflict with my loved ones. I used to just have problems with conflict, but that's a different post. The other day, I was having an issue with one of my people (read: loved ones). Talking didn't seem to be working, in fact it seemed to be making the problem worse. My sister reminded me of some of her past axioms, and then she laid a new one on me.


Friar Gregor Mendel was the botanist most of us learned about in middle school biology. He bred and cross bred different strains of pea plants, and came up with the basic mathematical principles for the study of genetics. The way his principles were taught to me was exemplified using the Punnett Square. Example:










Her new axiom was to use a Punnett Square to define the states of being for a relationship. That at any point in time your interpersonal relationship will be in one of the following states:










She went on to explain that the primary goal (where everyone likes to be) is in a state of Healthy Peace, but that if Healthy Peace is unobtainable at the moment the next best thing is Healthy Conflict, not Unhealthy Peace.


More often than not, with my people I opt for peace over health. Mostly because I feel inept when attempting Healthy Conflict. I have reasons why I think this is true of me, but, regardless of the reasons, the point is I gotta figure this out.


That's not a post for this time. I hope having things laid out this way is as helpful for readers as it is for me.


Your Peer in Progress Not Perfection:

Retta




Special note about this post:


In the actual conversation we referred to it as a Mendel Square. As I looked for an image (thank you Google / wikipedia), I found out it is called a Punnett Square after Reginald C. Punnett who published Mendelism in 1905, "it was probably the first popular science book to introduce genetics to the public. "



Background on my life advice posts:


I am an ENFP-T. I feel my feelings strongly and try to find ways to cope with that. There are people in my life that I am extremely grateful for, and sometimes they have ways of putting their advice into perfect axioms that really help me navigate my mental roads. These things are not laws, they're not infallible and they're not always fully formed/researched. This is the advice I get from my people or thoughts I've come to that sound right to me as I currently am. I hope it helps other people navigate their way too.

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